Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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