after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
