I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
