But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
