I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
