Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Semen is not good for contacts.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
