whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
