he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
