If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
