I want to make a zoo with you.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
