It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
where does the pee come out of this thing
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
They took my balls.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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