I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
