I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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