just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
