he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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