i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
