You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
