WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
