Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
