in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
