He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
