Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
