I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
