friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
