I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
