we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
