you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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