3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
