You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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