capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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