I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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