A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
