did you get engaged???
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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