Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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