In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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