and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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