Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
