My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
