So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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