The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
