I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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