It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
