16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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