Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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