My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
