yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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