whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
