I'm going to jail i love you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
