I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
