I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We have started to decorate penises.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
