he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
