pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
